Menahun

aku ingin mabuk menahun :) kuingin ambil semua zat sedatif yang tersebar di udara lalu menyatu dengan debu dinding. agar tidak kuingat lagi kala air matamu kutampung dalam botol-botol kaca, lalu kusimpan tersusun rapi dalam lemari. terberi label nama dan khasiat. dahaga lepas tapi pipimu pias. agar tidak kuingat lagi kala jantungmu, hatimu, paru-paru yang menderukan napasmu adalah bantalan empuk untuk jarum-jarum jahitku, sebelum mulai kuuntai benang dan kutisik lagi selimut mimpi kita. agar tidak kuingat lagi kala setiap ruam syaraf otakmu terasuki jaring laba-laba yang kupintal panjang berujung pada rambut yang kuminta kamu belai setiap hari kita bermimpi.
aku ingin mabuk menahun.
aku ingin memikirkan kalau kamar tempat aku tidur adalah sebuah pulau kecil sunyi berbentuk tanda koma.

Desember

Selalu ada yang bernyanyi dan berelegi

Di balik awan hitam

Semoga ada yang menerangi sisi gelap ini

Menanti..

Seperti pelangi setia menunggu hujan reda

Aku selalu suka sehabis hujan di bulan Desember

Di bulan Desember...

Sampai nanti ketika hujan tak lagi

Meneteskan duka meretas luka

Sampai hujan memulihkan luka...

*song by erk



dan apalagi yang bisa kubilang kali ini karena sungguh persediaan pura-pura ku sudah menguap terbuang ke sudut-sudut ruangan...

Always Look On The Bright Side of Life...

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath

Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...

This song is from Life of Brian, Monty Python. Sing Sisie sing! hufffffff...
image was taken from trishbeeuk.blogspot.com

Always Look On the Bright Side of Life

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath

Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...

from Monty Python, image was taken from trishbeeuk.blogspot.com/

hai dan halo

hai halo. saya kembali. setelah hiatus sekian lama karena beratus juta hal, teknis maupun tidak begitu teknis sampe yang dicari-cari. blog saya kembali lagi. dan saya akan menulis lagi. saya janji. sekarang itu dulu lah.

sampai jumpa.
-sie-

put a smile on your face and make the world a better place

i dont need make-ups, or masks, i never do. i just have to smear that paste upon my lips and put on that drawing i made before.
beeyatch.
should i wait a few more days before i really ask? would that make much of a difference?

almost eight, i should go home now. my body's falling apart.
too tired to write, yet i got so many things to scream out.
oh i'm such a very nice girl, am not i?

-sie-

*artwork by Amanda Walujo

not pretty enough?

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

I live
I breathe
I let it rain on me
I sleep
I wake
I try hard not to break
I crave
I love
I've waited long enough
I try as hard as I can

chorus

I laugh
I feel
I make believe it's real
I fall
I freeze
I pray down on my knees
I hope
I stand,
I take it like a man
I try as hard as I can

chorus

why do you see
why do you see
why do you see
why do you see right through me

*Kasey Chambers

in the middle of OTAK NGEHANG... sialaaaann padahal minggu depan deadline kerjaan gue baru kelar 10% doang... dan OTAK gue NGEHANG... @nj**G!!
anyway, currently listening to this tune, and it's just me being too sappy but this song really touches.
-sie-

nyam!

i know who i want to take me home :)
and i think it's beautiful

-sie-

addictedtowhat?

I don't wanna get married.
I just want to feel loved for the rest of my life until I die.
If marriage means a way to keep the one you love from leaving you when they feel like leaving you and they want to leave you because they no longer love you anymore and no longer loving you would mean that they would stop sharing and giving love to you and making you feel loved,
Then I don't wanna get married.
I want to feel loved for the rest of my life until I die.
You can go as far as you want,
You can drift away and never come back
I will not hold myself from wanting to feel loved for the rest of my life until I die.

-sie-

*picture was taken from the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

I should be thinking about some other more important questions in life but I cant stop myself thinking about these...

How do you define infidelity? How do you define unfaithfulness? Does holding hand in hand with the opposite sex other than your partner means that you are unfaithful? Does thinking of having sex with another person makes you unfaithful? Does seeing pornographic material or some show in the chatroom means that you are not faithful to your partner? Does looking at some girl or boy masturbating in the webcam for you can be defined as unfaithful?
How about cybersex?
How about phonesex?
Or some fucking sms-sex, whatever that means...
Okay, let's change the question.
What does fidelity mean anyway?
Is there actually such concept in life?
Answer
Answer
Answer please

-sie-

Ramadan

I used to love this song so much when I was a kid, aged six or seven. I remember, I used to listen to this song every ramadan, played in my dad working room, always after he had finished his Tarawih pray (he didnt usually do his Tarawih pray in the mosque) and read some Koran verses. He always played this Bimbo song, 'Rindu Kami Padamu' along with other Bimbo's songs of course. But this song was the one I love the best. Back then, I thought the song was beautiful, It describes one's love for his prophet, his longing to feel the sincere and peaceful love of his prophet. I still think that it is a beautiful song.

Rindu Kami Padamu

Rindu kami padamu ya rasul rindu tiada terperi
berabad jarak darimu ya rasul
serasa dikau di sini

cinta ikhlasmu pada manusia
bagai cahaya suarga
dapatkah kami membalas cintamu
secara bersahaja

rindu kami padamu ya rasul
rindu tiada terperi
berabad jarak darimu ya rasul
serasa dikau di sini

cinta ikhlasmu pada manusia
bagai cahaya suarga
dapatkah kami membalas cintamu
secara bersahaja


Back then, when I used to listen to this song, I never knew that there are people that would threat me to death if I wont cover my body with their so called 'decent' clothes, if I speak up my mind and trying to question things that I think need to be questioned, if I try to find answers with my own efforts and wont surrender myself to their rigid and unquestionable rules, if I want to love my God, and my prophet with my own way.
I wonder, if Muhammad still alive, would he want to kill me too like all those people?
I might know nothing about Muhammad but if those evil people who want to behead other people because they are different to them really believe that whatever they're doing is within the guidelines of Muhammad and the religion he taught us (with all their jargons of jihad and bagaimana mereka meneladani Muhammad), I dont think I would want to have such an evil and violent prophet to guide my way.
I prefer a more peaceful and loving prophet.
Maybe it's just a matter of interpretation.

Happy Ramadan, everyone.

-sie-

absurd sekali hidup ini yah?

baby, yes you baby, one that i love really really dear...
i'm only twelve while you are eighteen
every single thing that excites me is just another mundane for you
this you already knew, that you found unsurprising
been there done that
you said
well
no baby
i havent been there and that i havent done
baby baby baby
if it's for me, would you want to do stupid things and
pretend that it is so excitingly new for you too?
then we can drown ourselves in thrill
while holding hand together looking one to another
before we close our eyes together
anticipating the waves of fun swept us overjoyed?

-sie-

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

the dining dead

Dinner at Kang's again. Are we like those poor couples, you feel sorry for in the restaurant? Are we the dining dead? I cant stand the idea of us being a couple people think that about…
Joel : How's the chicken?
Clementine : Good. More?
Joel : No. No. Thank you.

*taken from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Days and days and weeks and here comes the year. Of constant talking. Some say it is called communication. And communication is the key to the healthy relationship. It helps you to know each other better. But constantly talking doesn't necessarily means communicating. And if you keep on talking and talking and talking and explaining and opening your self up, whatever will happen when everything is all exposed? Done exposed? Period. All your thoughts then got all dug up, all your point of views and beliefs and stances got all unfurled and arrayed, all your cute little hidden dreams got all discovered, all your biggest fears, all your most shameful experiences? Whatever will happen next? What will make me think that YOU are interesting baby? All that interesting about you I already know. You are like this one my very favorite book. My most favorite book of all. I read you over and over and over and over again, I drowned myself in your crazy and wicked adventures again and again and again, now I even know every fucking single detail of the story of the book, every hidden corner, every dialogue the characters make, like I can even tell everything about the book without even reading it, with my eyes closed. Like, I know what will happen next to the hero, what will he say next and how he will get his victory. Then, baby, tell me, even though that book is my favorite book, will I still consider it interesting if I already know everything about the book? Of course I wont discard that book, because I love that book so much, but I would probably just leave the book in my book shelf, while beginning to look for something interesting to read. Not necessarily needs to be more interesting, for I know that I might not find some other book that really suits my interest like that my one favorite book, but you know... some other book that will give me something new interesting things to dig out, to discover, to unfurl...

Honey I am so lost in this thought. Help me out?

-sie-

automendification machine

I own this machine called an automendification machine.

Like its name, it works by automatically mend things

that are in need to be mended.

For its fuel, it uses anything in me that can be burnt.

picture was taken from: www.kcdawncreation.com

-sie-

depressive senseless irritation and endless furious aggravation

I say. Just kill me. Kill me quick and painless. Get over this phrenic bursting rollercoaster already. Stop torturing me every fucking single month with this depressive senseless irritation and endless furious aggravation. After writing a full page of tirade which contained exactly forty-three 'bitch' words in it and ninety-eight 'fuck/fucking' words addressed to my beloved roommate (only of course I would not want to post the writing here for the sake of avoiding some unnecessary and rather unworthy friction) and getting so raged when my boyfriend actually used the word 'expendable' to justify his argument why he thinks it is rational for him to risk his own life by dragging wherever he goes his fellow soldier's dead flesh when he's in the middle of the war (ah, the fucking long debate that I think would even be too long to be put here, well maybe later some other time). Not too mention, impulsively spending more than forty thousand rupiahs just for food today. And gotten really fucking sappily overdramatic when my boyfriend didn't call, frigging really sensitive and irritated with someone else's laughter, and had made five slaughter plans in my head today for five different persons that I found really got into my nerves today. And I feel stupid and I feel that nobody likes me and I seriously think that my boyfriend should come here and give me a hug and say sweet things to me. HAH! But of course that wouldn't happen. I want to slit some throats. One of my friends just said that he had a sore throat. Why, my friend, why don't you come here and show that velvety throat to me, maybe I can do you a favor to get rid off your sore. See, if I slit your throat, you won’t feel any sore no more. Now for that I can be one hundred percent sure.

-arghed me-

something surreal in the morning

merokok dji sam soe jam enam pagi dengan cahaya kamar redup redup gimana gitu membuat review CD Sitting On Anything Cold dan sebuah band death metal bernama death vomit (heck why do people really love to groooowwwlll in death metal, dont they know that dead people dont groooowwwwwllll? dead people are dead, what else do you expect???), jempol agak sedikit dingin dingin beku butuh kehangatan gitu, dengan teman sekamar yang setengah telanjang lagi berpelukan sama teman tidurnya. i hope they dont wake up. oh please dear lord dont let them wake up and wiggle again. nap. exactly, the power of wishing something for not happening, they tend to happen. shit. and they wiggle again. right beside me. like um fifteen centimetres next to me. and they wiggle. wiggle. wiggle. hands everywhere. shit. i cant help but notice. oh dear lord please let me concentrate on this guy's groooowwwll in my PC's speakers, whatever it is that he's grooooowwwwl-ing about. fuck. i cant. oh they change position. i want to choke my roommate's neck. nah. dont have the right to. just smoke again baby smoke. hey i make love better than her. i make better move. fuck. concentrate here, sisie. hey what if i join them?. PLAK. i slap my own head. smokesmokesmokesmoke again. oh dead guy from the cd how i love that u are growling.

-sie-

EQ sh*tes...

The bitch might be a champion dramaqueen but she surely scores best in handling emotion. Ironicly, that was also the very reason why her boyfriend decided to leave her once. ahahaha. And you thought life is so boring... :p

Your EQ is 153

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

told you told you told you

of out there out there
told you i'm going to be out of there soon!
wish me good luck guys! :)

body and soul

it's just the body i'm selling not my soul
it's just the body i'm selling not my soul
fluttering wings
what's the use the wings that flutter
but cant fly
closed eyes filled tears
but it's just
it's just the body i'm selling not my soul
you know?
................
but how do you know which one's your body
and which one's your soul?

-sie-

picture was taken from www.onlyinhouston.org