Wednesday, March 30, 2005

The First Death

what is death?
is there any life after death?
when i'm died, will my soul still be lingering here?
will i still be the same mind entity that i used to be?
will i still love the person i'm loving now?
will i still enjoy the ability to question, to observe and to contemplate?

what is death?
is it only a transformation of my solid body being,
in to another form of being?
is it a deformization of my solid body being?
or is it a metamophorsis, an evolution (or revolution) of my present entity into another form?

what is death?
will i still see colours in my dead vision?
will i still taste the sweet, the sour and the bitter?
will i even still exist?
will i even still exist?

--sisie--

Sunday, March 27, 2005

the possession

MInE... mInE... MinE!!!!
--jeritan psychotic...--

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

feelin... stupidly and sickly melancholic

...outside's drizzling steadily,
here, Des'ree's Kissing You...
.......
.......

pride can stand thousand trials
The strong will never fall
But watching stars without you
My soul cries

Heaving heart is full of pain
Ohh, ahh the aching
'cause i'm kissing you, ahh
I'm kissing you, love

Touch me deep, pure and true
Give to me forever
'cause i'm kissing you, ahh
I'm kissing you love

And where are you now
Where are you now
'cause i'm kissing you
I'm kissing you, love

.....
oh yes and i can say that my heart is not in its default stage.
should i find a way to cope with it or should i just justify it?
.....
ah none.
cheesingly romantic, and irritating, and spoiled, and weak, and 'menye'ish..
ah none.
just none.

hmm... zzzzzzzz.....

Sunday, March 20, 2005

The Pigs' Musing...

Saturday afternoon, me and him was doing what so called ‘leyeh-leyeh’ – Sindrow’s term, hope it’s not copyrighted… - smiling contentedly to each other when suddenly he gave a very soothing gaze to my eyes and asked

‘Why did we meet?’

A bit bemused of his question, I answered ‘because we worked at ak’ sa ra, remember?’

‘I know, dear. But I mean, why did we meet?’

‘I don’t know. Because it’s just happened, I guess. I happened to work there and so did you, and so there we were then.’

‘No, no… I mean, why? Why did we meet? Was it planned? Was it because of chaos? Was it incidental? I mean… all of a sudden I worked there and I found you and I chose to fall for you and then I chose to let you know my feeling and here we are now, feeling as happy and as content as we are now. Why? Destiny?’

‘Destiny? No. I don’t believe in such thing.’ I said.

‘You mean… you don’t believe that something had already written?’

‘No. I mean… well yes, I do believe in destiny, sort of, but the destiny does not mean that somebody’s pattern has already been written entirely, so all he got to do is to walk on the written pattern. I do believe that in somebody’s life, there are several bold patches. Those bold patches are the intersection on whatever random acts that person chooses to do.’

‘What do you mean?’ he asked.

‘It’s like this. In your life, of course there are paths, several different paths. For instance, you could chose to enter the path of not to send the application weeks earlier before the recruitment were already opened, or you could chose to enter the path of coming to the job interview two hours late that will resulted in you being replaced in the different schedule with mine. However, if we talk about that so called destiny, supposed ‘you meet me’ is the bold patch in your life, whatever minor paths you chose, it will always led you to the intersection of the patterns, that is, you meeting me. Maybe that’s what people called as destiny.’ I said.



‘For instance, the different lines in the picture are the random paths you have in your life. The red line is probably the path of you not coming to the job interview. The pink line could be the path of you choosing to flirt with Ditri at campus before deciding to apply at her office, and so on and so forth. However, no matter how twisted and twirling the path you chose, those different paths will come into one intersection, the bold patch, that is, you meeting me. After experiencing the bold patch, then the random paths again. It is you who made the random path, it is you who decide to choose or not to choose it, but somewhere beyond, there’ll be another bold patch that you’ll meet. That is destiny. I guess’ I continued.

He then looked at me, and said.
‘Interesting. But, I think every different random path chosen will result in a different bold patch. Entirely different. For instance, if I chose to come late back then in our first day of work, I would not met you that morning, would not be able to see you panicking because you thought you’d came too early, and we would not spend the morning smoking and chattering while waiting the time to finally point at nine thirty where we could start to work. The result will be entirely different, then. Had I not undergone those things, I might not come into the same bold patch if I had undergone those things. So if I chose different path, I will be led into different pattern, of course I might met you, and most likely I would also fall for you, that is, an intersection of pattern, but the pattern I undergo would be different, baby.’



‘See the lines, suppose that blue line is the path of me choosing to come early that morning, then that choice led me to see you that morning, smiling relievedly when seeing me there, and then here goes the bold blue patch, we met and we talked. However, if I happened to choose the orange line, suppose it is the path of me choosing to wake up a bit late that morning, I would came late, then I would not see you, then probably instead of talking to me that morning, you would end up talking to Ditri or Yumma or whoever person it might be, then the pattern of the blue path and the orange path are entirely different, of course there might be intersection, but the final result would not be the same.’

‘Interesting.’

‘It is, isn’t it?’

‘So you mean, if you had not chosen the path you chose back then, we might not be here, right here, at this moment?’ I asked.

‘I guess. If I chose the red line, I might still have the same feeling of loving you, but probably because of the sequence of acts caused by that particular choice, we might had not came in to this stage of relationship, probably we would just about to start it or probably even better, the feeling we have right now might be even deeper. It is a matter of the path we choose. Different path, different pattern, different result.’

‘Very interesting. So it means that, had you not chosen the path you chose back then, and had I not chosen the path I had chosen, you would not be here, holding my hand, and we might not come across this feeling we have now?’

‘I guess.’

‘Babi, whatever theory that is correct, I’m glad we’ve chosen what we had chosen. I’m happy that right now, in this precise moment, we’re here, doing exactly what we’re doing, with the exact feeling we’re feeling right now. I love you. Really really.’

‘I’m glad too, love. Really really.’

--sisie--

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

it's not a curse... it's a tear burst...

sublime sublime sublime sublime
kadang-kadang gw pikir gw SUNGGUH over estimate myself...
gimana enggak coba,
jual diri jadi MAPRES, mengangguk gembira ala puppy yang kegirangan waktu ditawarin lomba debat di FE, lompat-lompat minta dikasih tugas bikin artikel buat bulletin, sampai bersemangat '45 menyelamatkan fakultas gw sendiri dari kebobrokan demokrasi yang dibuat sebagai justifikasi untuk mengislamkan kampus oleh orang-orang Islam fundamentalis itu...
hasilnya adalah...
  • besok gw mesti submit paper buat Mapres, belom bikin sama sekali, not even started, bahan masih di download, dan itu sebabnya gw masih di warnet sampai semalam ini...
  • disket ketinggalan di kostan, padahal editan artikel gw ada disitu, artinya gw gak bakal bisa ngirim editannya setidak2nya sampai besok. Andrei dan Tami akan merajam gw. well... mungkin nggak Tami, tapi Andrei... definitely...
  • presentasi buat paper lomba debat di FE belom gw buat sama sekali, latihan apalagi... padahal lombanya hari Senin ini... sungguh mati gw ini.
  • tulisan gw buat FIB masih setengah jadi, dan gw agak ragu untuk melanjutkannya... for several reasons that i've discussed with Ruli... though he clearly despised my so called 'too soft and not-going-to-win' approach... tapi makasih ya babi untuk selalu menjadi partner gw untuk terus mikir mikir mikir dan mikir... >hug<
  • Speaking belum, Writing belum, ngabisin baca buku yang sejubel2 gw pinjem itu juga apalagi...

hyaikh... tampar aja lah gw... ni Adobe Acrobat masih 90% padahal gw dah nunggu hampir dua jam...

aku

butuh katarsis...

--sisie--

pindahan tahap II

gw udah ngecat.
the original sound track was Yellow-coldplay
diselingi dengan sedikit Somewhere Beyond the Sea-nya Robbie Williams yang dinyanyiin sepenggal-sepenggal (karena gak apal liriknya...)
Dr Worms - They Might be Giants yang dinyanyiin dengan suara satu dua tiga dan sepuluh bareng-bareng antie n hany
Ordinary People - Frente
Love Fool - The Cardigans
No One Else Come Close - Joe
pokoknya gw udah ngecat.

barang-barang akhirnya udah dipindahin semua.
kecuali mug Scorpio kesayangan gw sama piring beruang dari mama
besok mau ngambil ah ke kostan yang lama.

re-arrange barang dan bersih-bersih bikin gw GILA
bersin bersin bersin bersin bersin terus sampe tepar dan gak mampu bergerak.
tapi akhirnya lumayan rapi juga.

beli beli beli peralatan kostan.
anjir mahal.
tapi gak pa pa, yang penting bahagia.
he
he

sekarang tinggal ngurusin lemari,
or else segala kardus-kardus menggila itu belum bisa dipensiunin...
Sophaaannn hua hua huaaaa... ayo bantuin gw ngebongkaarr...
Om yoosskiiiie... katanya mo minjemin mobiiillll...
hiks.

doakan saya ya (sambil hormat ala benteng takeshi)

--sisie--

Friday, March 04, 2005

MIRJO MIRJO MIRJO

huaahhh..
MIRJO adalah sebuah kata yang sungguh MIRJO karena dipenuhin dengan keMIRJO-MIRJOannya...
betapa MIRJOnya ketika dengan tega mengusir tiga orang anak manis yang datang dengan girang sambil berjingkat-jingkat bahagia berharap bisa menimba ilmu..
sungguh MIRJO adalah MIRJO yang sekali MIRJO tetap MIRJO..

andrei, bagaimana kalo kita runtuhkan saja segala jenis keMIRJOan itu? trus ntar kita curi buku2nya..
bom pake molotov..
atau bakar pake bensin yang sekarang udah jadi barang elit... supaya si MIRJO bisa bahagia terbakar dalam ke elitannya..

sungguh MIRJO...
baru MIRJO lah sebuah MIRJO yang tega meMIRJO...


dengan geraman ala MIRJO
-sisie-

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

today is another absurd day

hari ini absurd sekali..

-menangis di kelas sintaks
-saved by the bell lagi2 di kelas sintaks, terus ketawa cekikikan sambil mengutip lirik lagu Sherryl Crow
-tertidur sangat lelap di sofa perpustakaan sambil memeluk buku Puritan
-meminjam buku baru padahal belum selesai membaca buku lama
-menerima telpon yang membuat bengong selama sepuluh detik
-makan dua buah kue sus dan merasa sangat kenyang


sungguh absurd...
harus segera balik dan membolak-balik majalah lama.

--sisie--

The CuPu Philosophy

CuPu adalah Curi-curi Perhatian Untukku...
HUaHahUAHAhaHA...

CuPu adalah Cupu-Cupu yang lucu.. kemana engkau terbang...
HuAHaHAhuaHAHAha...

CuPu adalah Cup Cup Uaaahh...
HuaAHUAHAhUHahaha...


i love being cupu :p

-sisie-