Heavenly Blissed

Today i got a quite interesting text to be translated in my TTU (Teori Terjemahan Umum) class... it's about the quest for paradise.
So apparently people, with their own differences in conceptions, point of views and beliefs, come up with different conceptions of heaven as well... it was said that Buddha proferred enlightment, an existence without suffering as heaven. The vikings, on the other hand, always dreamed up Valhalla, a hall of dead heroes battling by day and feasting by night for eternity - hmm... this sounds like the kind of heaven Ruli would die for... I wonder why he hadnt born as a Viking... - Dante in his Divine Comedy described heaven as something that is logically ruled by reasons, the nine spheres of heaven. Meanwhile Jorge Luis Borges, the author of Labyrinths, presumed that heaven is a place like a huge library where you can satisfy your thirst for knowledge.
In general, i think the concept of heaven is actually a place, where you can find your eternal happiness. Now, the tricky thing regarding this issue of course, as a unique human being, we have different concept of happiness, or things that would make you happy, or place you think would make you eternally happy.

So, what is exactly your conception of heaven? your eternal happiness?

ah... the clear water reflects my shadow

i dont understand, every thing every single thing seems to contradict each other
dan kalo biasanya gw suka kesulitan menjelaskan perasaan gw sendiri, kali ini nggak. gw tau gw nggak kesal, gw tau gw nggak sedih, gw tau gw bukannya kecewa, gw tau gw nggak takut...
gw marah
because u refused too explain those things to me
because u thought our arguments were pointless
dan perasaan gw sekarang nggak campur2 aneh seperti biasanya
gw marah dan itu jelas sekali rasanya.

funny, eh?
biasanya gw paling nggak bisa ngedefinisiin apa yang gw rasain.

-sisie-

umm... no komen ah... :p

mwahahahahah...
so because my latest entry is about the religion... i kinda curious about my own stance, so i decided to take this funny quiz... and it turns out that i am...

"WHAT RELIGION BESTS SUITS YOU?"


Agnostic
You've probably studied loads of different religions, but you're just not sure if any of it is true. Evolution makes some sense to you, but it doesn't satisfy you. Lastly, your personality is one of question, but you won't go out of your way to find -The Truth- It's more of a hobby.

taken from: http://www.zenhex.com/quiz.php?id=1257

Licking the God's Boots

What is a religion? This is a very ticklish question. I know that I should think of better things to do, or find a job since I’m particularly on the breadline now (ha-ha), or manage my disorganized schedules, or finish my readings, or whatever aside than thinking about the answer of the question that has been a debate among people for so long, but I’ve decided to muse on it a bit.

Well, I think about so many possible answers for that question, an answer that would make sense in order to complete the puzzle why the word ‘religion’ is indeed one of the most bloody words ever in the history of mankind, so many possible answers came up to my head, so many cause-effect relation possibilities, round and round and round and round, so many that I begun to feel nausea, then I decided that it’s time to stop before bad things started to happen…(well… I have this stupid habit of getting really really nauseatingly cheesy when I’m feeling a bit stressful or frustrated, and when that happened I usually wrote some cheesy poems, or pick-up lines, or ‘pantun’ for Ruli, and really… you don’t wanna know… it’s awfully cheesy you want to kill yourselves when you hear it… so no no… I don’t want that to happen, enough torture for that poor guy, so I decided to pause a bit from my thinking)

But as I let myself to continue to think about it, I found that the fittest piece that would possibly complete the whole puzzle is actually the simplest one, I think religion is a system of belief, or sets of principles, which involves god as the creator and the judge, with groups of society as his worshipper. And there’s exactly where all the problems started.

So here, in religion, god is viewed not only as the creator of the universe, but also as the judge of all the deeds that have done by his worshipper. As the judge, he gives and determines rewards and punishments for the people. Rewards come in the form of heaven, and punishments come in the form of hell. Well… at least that is the concept in Islam, Christian and Jews. In Hinduism I think the concept of reward comes in the form of moshka, the liberation from the chain of birth, death and rebirth while the concept of punishment comes when the soul bond to the karma is born over the condition that is not so pleasant because of the unfaithfulness to the god, or the bad deeds that that person has done in his or her previous life (or maybe I’m wrong… please do correct if I’m wrong…) well, this whole concept of samsara, the cycle of birth, death and rebirth in Hinduism, is controlled by god, therefore here god is also viewed as the judge.
Buddhism is a bit different though, I’ve checked some resources and I found out that in Buddhism there is no actual god. The Buddhists believe that human mistakes and human doom are linked in a relentless chain of cause and effect. So all the bad deeds that you’ve done may cause you a bad fate in your future, pretty logical I guess. Therefore, in order not to have bad fate, you have to do good things in your life (again… of course my understanding and knowledge is sooo… very limited so please do correct me if I’m mistaken about this)
I don’t know much about other religions, like for instance Confucianism, Shinto, Zoroastrianism, or Sikhism, or maybe Neopaganism, or others… (you guys might wanna help me about the infos though…). But from what I see, the religions, which have the most followers, usually believe in god as the creator and the judge, and I think this is where all the problems begun.

That concept, where god is viewed as the creator as well as the judge, makes god as the absolute factor who has the absolute rights to decide whether one particular person would be granted reward or punishment. The reward, of course would be given to one who has been really faithful in following all the principles of the religion, one who has been really obedient and devoted to god. Therefore, in order to attain the reward, those religious worshippers would try to be as faithful and as devoted in worshipping the god and obeying all the principles. This could be a good thing, I guess, because basically and of course, ideally, all religions teach good values and virtuousness. However, it is evident that the more strongly adherents of a particular religion believe in its precepts or principles, the more fiercely do they react to those with different beliefs. –sigh–

So last week, I went to Gramedia. Chicklits and teenlits along with those blissfully happy AGJs were all over the bookstore so I kinda looked around to find a place that wasn’t too crowded. The religion and philosophy section looked quiet enough, so I decided to browse around there. Randomly I went to the Islam section first, and I found that some of the books displayed there were books with title like “Homoseksualitas? Ih… Takut!”, or “Bahaya Darwinisme”, or something like that… I kinda forget the rest of the titles of the book there… I thought… alright, why does these books need to be full of hatred and enmities… I mean… it’s like they see other people’s beliefs with their own personal standards, and impose their standards upon it. When those other believers do not walk hand in hand with the standard that they have, they reject those other beliefs and see them as thread. And why does it so, because these people, these religious people, are so faithfully and strongly believe in their own percepts, their own principles of religion, that they see other beliefs as something that are wrong and inappropriate. And why do they become so faithfully devoted to those principles? Because they see god as the absolute judge who has the absolute right to determine whether they will be given the rewards or the punishments, and as a result of this viewpoint, they want to try to be as faithful as they can so they could have the biggest possibility in attaining the reward that their gods have promised them.
At exactly the same day, when I was still at Gramedia, Ruli called me and told me that some terrorists had bombed London, over 50 innocents people died because of the explosion. When I went home, the news said that not so long after the explosion, there was a report that Al Qaeda officially stated that the bomb was intentionally fired off by them.
And like two days ago, there’s this news that those stupid worthless FPI had destroyed the Ahmadiyah’s site because they think that the Ahmadiyah is ‘sesat’ and dangerous. What despised me more was that because I saw them, with their glorious sorban and gamis and whatever attributes they wear in the name of Islam, looked really proud when they threw stones, destroyed the gates and hurt those Ahmadiyah people…

I think it’s sickening. Well… if god is really the judge, then probably those stupid so-called faithful and religious people are nothing but those little toadies who are trying so hard to lick the god’s boots. That’s if god ever has boots at all. If he does not have one, what’s the point of licking something that does not exist?

-sisie-

shoo... shoo...

about six or seven months ago, remember how i've warned you that i could be such a pain in the ass, how i am really not perfect, how over sensitive i am, how melodramatic, how moody, how weird, how boring and how you would finally see all those and then you'd be sorry and then i'd be sorry and then we'd be hurt because we've decided to fall, how we've decided to take all the risks, how we've decided not to care at all, remember?
and upon all the things that are so hard to be explained i found that it is my feeling that is so hard to be explained and i know that and i know that you cant understand how it could be like that and how i really miss you sometimes and how sometimes i wonder why it seems that there is a wall between us and how i dont understand why do i need to cry at all while i know that u wouldnt be there and u wouldnt understand and how it is too absurd to even be comprehended and how even myself could see that it is absurd and there is no reason for me to feel that way at all...
and do you know that sometimes when u're there right beside me how i want to scream like really loud like so loud really really loud that i do love u so much and i want to hold ur hands and i want u to hold me and i want u to look deeply into my eyes and i want u to know that deep down inside sometimes i wonder what's on ur mind and wanna know what u think about me or do i even exist there or do i make u bored or do u sometimes wish me to disappear...
oh sometimes it is me indeed who wish to disappear.
i'm just a little girl and i want to rest my head upon ur shoulder sometimes and i know that i shouldnt feel hesitant to do so because i know that u're there and u'll let me rest my head upon ur shoulder but really even myself dont understand why sometimes i'm so afraid to do so and if u ask me now why do i feel that way i'll say that i dont know because it's true that i dont know...
i dont have any reason and i know that u'd expect reasons but i dont have one and i know that i cant tell that to u because i cant explain it and it's all because i dont have any reason for this and u'd be pissed and i'd feel bad because i made u feel bad and u know i dont want that because i only want to make u happy and see u smile and it'd be frustrating and i'm so frustrated but i dont have any reasons and i'm not secure and i'm afraid and i dont know why and i'm so afraid.
u're just right there and u're just like the sunshine and u're shining so brightly and u stand so bravely and u're so strong and u just dont need anything or anyone to comfort u and i'm exactly right here sitting alone in the park while its raining and i look at the sky and i feel the rain drizzling upon me and i stay quiet but my toes are freezing and i think that maybe it'll be nice if i have someone who smiles at me and comforts me...
can i just... sleep beside u... without saying anything, just sleep, without explaining anything, just sleep and feel ur soft soft hands caressing my head until i close my eyes and really fall asleep?
can i?
i love u so much but i dont know how to explain all the feelings that i'm feeling inside now.

-sisie-

Bitter Butter

So this is 2005 and I live at the capital city of Indonesia and if I suffer for a chronic insomnia and I don’t have that much money to afford cable in my home I should ungrudgingly find a way to cure my nocturnal compulsion while frustratingly switch off my telly at night because there is no local channel is allowed to broadcast after one a. m.
Yes I live at the capital city of Indonesia and when I’m out clubbing with my friends, or having some drinks at the local nice cozy bar or lounge, or at any restaurant, I definitely should not let myself forget to remind my friends not to get too drunk because all those places are closed at two a. m. and everybody should go home.
The capital city, of Indonesia, and we have hours and hours of long queue to get ‘minyak tanah’ right in the middle of the city, and shortages of gasoline everywhere in the city.
And we have babies suffer for ‘busung lapar’, children suffer for the supposedly extinct poliomyelitis everywhere around the town.
And we live right here, in Jakarta, the capital city of Indonesia. Now can you imagine the even worse conditions in other places, here in our beloved nation?
Oh. Almost forgot.
Our dearly loved ‘wakil rakyat’ have just claimed for another salary increase up to thirty million rupiahs for the members of the fraction and up to sixty million rupiahs for the head. And also they have just proposed a new allocated budget for their ‘study tour’ programs around the world, with the total cost of 32 billion rupiahs.
Nice, isn’t it?

The Oddity about the Park that I Went to Last Night

There’s nothing too odd about the park that I went to last night
There were flowers
And ponds and trees and lamps and park benches
And everything and everything
There’s nothing too odd,
Except the grass
The grass was black
Pitch black, matte black, really dark it drew all the lights, swallowed it up, inside.
Absorbing, draining all the twinkling light, whatever.
And there were crows, all over the grass,
With their raucous voices, gathering around, flocking together in a large large mass,
Chattering, flapping their wings, moving around like hell,
Restless, tense, agitated.

There’s nothing too odd about the park that I went to last night.
Oh yes of course I told you that the grass was black.
But there’s nothing odd about black,
Black is just another color, like red, yellow,
Green, brown, pink, blue, white, purple, orange, whatever.
Oh yah well, did I just say that there were crows too?
Um… well… that’s a bit odd, though…
What the hell were the crows doing there in the park upon the black grass?
Let me sneak a look there then one more time,
Oh
I forgot. Crows and its evil omen.
There was indeed a dead body on the black grass.
But, yah well…
People die everyday
So I guess it’s not that odd either.


-sisie-

Reality Check

So yesterday my loved one said that he was going to close his friendster account soon enough. I asked him why, and he told me that the friendster account is pretty much useless, there’s nothing that he can do there, everything’s just so pointless and hopeless.
For him, friendster, and its bulletin board facility was supposedly a good opportunity to exchange insights, ideas, point of views, or information. He does not own that many friends on his friendster account, only seventy something, but it supposedly means seventy something opportunities of different point of views, or seventy something new windows of information. It turned out, of course, like we all know, the bulletin board is only full of those people filling some very trivia and meaningless quizzes (yes, even me too is included in these kind of people, like you all know, I guess) or some stupid EOs informing about some stupid R ‘n B parties (you know, I don’t mind people informing about some parties of course, but these EOs are really annoying, they could post up to 40 bulletin board at the same time only to inform one or two parties, which of course always causing my bulletin board section become flooded). Meanwhile, when he tried to post something a bit serious, something that should be put a bit in our concerns, like the dying Africa children for instance, or some massive ruin of our countries, or whatever thoughts to be discussed, very few people care to give respond. Since they are only looking for those trivia quizzes, and not some so called ‘yang berat-berat’, as one of my friend said… wont mention her name though. He said that, only very few people care to share their opinions and be the part of the discussions, even fewer people care to forward it so that their own circle of friends would get the bulletin and the thought sharing would be expanded.

It’s true though. Nobody really gives a fuck about those so called ‘yang berat-berat’. When Ruli posted a bulletin board about our ruined country, only Yogi , Lurino and myself, out of seventy something care to forward the bulletin board.
When my friend JJ posted a bulletin board about those AGJs phenomena, also only few people forward the bulletin board (I don’t know how much though, because I don’t really know how many people are there in his circle of friends)
When I posted a bulletin board about chicklits and the massive retardation, again, only very few people out of two hundred something care to forward the bulletin board; Ruli, Lurino and… I don’t remember whether Yogi forward my bulletin board or not.
When Lurino, Yogi, or Agung posted something or two about their thoughts, very few people care to continue the discussion, exchange the thoughts or give new point of views.
And when I posted an info that there are little kittens that are desperately need help and a home, nobody replied.

So apparently, the discussion and the though sharing are not expanded. Ruli’s right, I guess, two hundred something of my friends and seventy something of Ruli’s friends in friendster don’t necessarily means that much point of views. Nothing’s really new, actually, I mean, I hang out with Ruli, Yogi, Lurino and the rest of the peer groups quite often (if not to say, nearly everyday… -sigh- … I really should get a life :p) so Ruli’s thoughts, Yogi’s thoughts, Lurino’s thoughts, are not really that new for me, I mean, we had discussions in real life, we exchange our point of views and opinions in real life, so I wont consider those thoughts they posted on friendster as something newly discovered, whereas the rest of the people in my friendster account whom I less likely have the time and opportunity to meet and sit in a discussion to exchange our thoughts and opinions, whose point of views are supposedly something I don’t usually hear in the real life (since I don’t hang out with all of them like I do with the ‘peer groups’) are very seldom care to do exchange opinions or point of views, or probably even care to read those ‘yang berat-berat’ bulletin boards which usually come in a quite long articles, unlike those fun, easy-to-read quizzes.

Well, about the long articles, I do realize though that most people are unwilling or probably don’t have much time to read them, so I usually post long articles in my blog, not in the bulletin board. And also, of course I do realize that not all those people there in my friends list who do not forward or reply the discussion are totally ignorant or do not have any concern about the topics discussed, probably they’re just as pessimistic as Ruli who thought that it’s pretty much useless to put the thoughts there since there wont be anybody who care anyway, so they choose to pour out and share their opinions and point of views in different medias, blog for instance, like some of my dearly friends do here in my blog links section.

So what’s the use of the friendster’s bulletin board anyway?

Obviously it’s not for some holding some discussions about some particular issues that are happening and need our concern, it’s also not for exchanging point of views, or information…
Well, I’m not saying that filling those trivial and funny quizzes as something that is wrong, though… it could be quite an amusement sometimes… some of the questions in those quizzes are so trivial that it makes me stop for a while and smile a bit. You know, sometimes you get too busy thinking about those intricate and complicated things in your life, you forgot about those simple details that you often missed. However, the thing is… stopping awhile for simple and cute details, really, do not mean that you have the excuse to forget about the whole and the real design…

But, probably Ruli’s right… friendster and its bulletin board and those circles of linked friends are indeed not in the mean or not designed for ‘yang berat-berat’…

-sisie-

Oh.. so.. really?

So I got the link of these quizes from Lurino's
last entry, titled "A Quick Post", but it turned out that it didnt get that quick for me because i found other quizes there are also, really really interesting...

ha ha ha... and the quizes results prove that yes... I am REALLY that angelic... ha ha ha *satisfied laugh*

You are a
protector.
Yes, you don't like to kill people. That goes
against everything you belive in. It's not that
you are a coward, but your ideals and morals
wouldn't allow it. You are the typical hero, do
the righteous things, get the bad guys and do
it all legally. But just because you don't kill
doesn't mean you can't kick ass. And that is
what you do. You use your brain and your
strenght to do honourable deeds and protect
people you know and love. If an evil guy is
going to take over the world soon, it's you who
will get involved. You hate watching innocents
suffer, and love seeing bad people getting what
they deserve. You are probably also happy and
optimistic and work pretty good in groups. And
the friends you usually make are true ones.

Main weapon: Anything at all
Quote: "You only live once, but if
you do it right, once is enough" -Joe
Lewis
Facial expression: Smile

Your element is Water. You have a calm aura around
you and are in tune with the world around. You
observe it but rarely interfere. Because of
your shy and timid nature you will not have so
many friends in your life. But then again,
large crowds aren't your thing anyway. You are
comfortable on your own and are reserved to
others who you don't know or know very little
of. You know everyone out there does not want
to be your friend, and knowing that is good.
However, people who don't know you that well
thinks that you are cold and distant since you
don't want to talk to them. Although you mean
no harm, you can't always be perfectly
understood in the world. No one can. Life in
general are you quite serene with even if there
are some things you don't like. Your love-life
is not so full of boys/girls, but if you
flirted more with the ones you were interested
in I'm sure something would happen. The hobbies
you choose are calmer ones, you are no party
girl that likes to drink and make-out with
three or more guys/girls in one night. Reading
a book or swimming is more your thing.



Your word is: Brooding. You are a true thinker and
often try to figure out the meaning of life,
why we are all here etc. You may not be so
social, and often think twice before acting but
those thoughts you have in your mind never stop
flowing in. Sometimes you can be so
concentrated you forget about other things that
you have to do. Don't change, this world needs
deep people.


taken from: http://quizilla.com/users/PainfulBliss/quizzes/

no need any fucking novocaine

so here i am contemplating about at least... four topics in my head... thinking about how to compose them as soon as i get home...
while trying to forget that i had missed my MIDTERM today.

yes.

I HAD FUCKING MISSED MY MIDTERM TODAY.

while my dad had paid 600 thousands rupiahs just so that i could take that subject.

oh yeah and please dont ask me about HOW exactly do I feel inside.