ratapan pilu di akhir masa liburan...

aaarrrggghhh... libur tinggal seminggu... tapi banyak banget rencana yang udah gw rencanain dari berjuta-juta tahun lalu tu belon kelaksana...
hiks... untung aja masalah IRS gw dah selesai barusan... ada yang manjur nih ngasih jampe2 nya :)
tapi masih banyak banget yang belon... hmm... mari mari kita lihat rencana yang belum terlaksana:
1. pergi ke British Council dan bikin kartu anggota..
2. pergi ke Planetarium sekalian nanya2 masalah astronomy club itu...
3. pergi ke Senen belanja wardrobe yang aneh2...
4. nyari2 info tentang dimana gw bisa belajar Gambang Kromong atau Tanjidor...
5. hmm... sama nyari2 info tentang belly dancing... heuhuheue... gw pengen belajar belly dancing nih, tapi lupa mulu nyari2 informasi tentang itu...

hehe... berhubung ini blog, dan blog adalah public domain... adakah diantara 'public' yang tau dimana saya bisa mendapatkan info tentang hal2 tersebut? terutama yang dua nomor terakhir...
huaks... tinggal kurang lebih empat hari lagi dan masa2 bebas bermalas2an sayah berakhir...

-sisie-

about muffin

it's so nice to see you smiling so nicely again :)
:) :) :) it's so nice to know that you stand on your feet again :)
it's so nice to hear your laughter again :)
go continue your life, muffin... you're so worth it.
you're so worth it.

--sugar--

-sigh-

hidup harusnya nggak dibikin susah...
tapi kalo nggak pengen susah-susah, ya nggak mikir dong... bener nggak?
trus kalo nggak mikir, ngapain juga milih hidup...
masalahnya, kalo mikirin hal yang nggak jelas ujungnya... jadi ribet sendiri, kan?
kadang-kadang gw pengen shut down semua aplikasi yang lagi berjalan dengan nggak jelas di otak gw, yang berbelok-belok dan menikung-nikung dengan menggila, membuat simpul di mana-mana seenaknya, dan meninggalkan gw terbengong-bengong pada akhirnya karena kecapean ngikutin jalannya pikiran gw yang semakin absurd aja...
-sigh-
ini apaan sih.
hey you, someone out there, guess you know who you are... if you happen to open my page... i dont even know why i'm writing this...
-just ignore this lah-
nggak penting.

talking about public domain...

A public domain, my friend, is an area or territory that is owned by the public, meaning that this territory could be easily accessed as well as freely used by the public or society.

My blog, I think, is a public domain. Everyone could easily access my blog, read its contents, and of course, give comments for whatever things I wrote.
However, knowing that nearly everyone, with whatever point of views, philosophical beliefs, as well as various temperaments and dispositions could, without a hitch, access my blog, definitely, I will state it again boldly, definitely would not stop me from writing whatever I want to write in my blog.

I have full freedom to write all my thoughts which in most cases reflect my mood and my emotional state at that moment. When I’m feeling melancholy, mostly my entries would reflect the sadness I feel inside, if not to say could be even sappy and sickly mawkish. And when I’m feeling happy, the readers of my blog would somehow notice the mushy gushy language I use, the sugar-coated tone, as well as the merriment in every sentence. Now, the same thing also happened when I’m feeling disturbed, disgusted, terrified by something, or whatever emotional state I’m feeling at that moment. I will, without inhibition, pour it out within the entries I write for my blog.

I also perfectly aware that not everybody sees my blog, or at least see their blog, as the way I see mine. Some people use and make their blog as a form of rebel, some use it as a place to speak out their inner philosophical beliefs and to make people see from their point of view, some use it to express their devotion towards objects they’re admire, some use it to communicate with others, some other use it because they have too much thoughts on their mind and need to spill it out, and many other reasons. All reasons are acceptable, there is nothing, I repeat, nothing that could restrain it. There’s no such rule or regulation that could acceptably state or determine what should or should not be put in one’s blog.

Now, if in one point, there’s someone that happens not to agree with the content I wrote on my blog, of course that person have the same freedom as I possess to express whatever state he or she has in his or her mind. And me, as the one being objected, or criticized, or even condemned, also have the same freedom to express my rejection towards his or her opinion for my writings, with all of the justifications I owned. I see that equal possession of freedom as one of the concept of the public domain.

However, there’s another concept that I believe also included in the concept of public domain. That is, every opinion and every viewpoint that is thrown inside the territory of the public domain should be able to be responsibly explicated or clarified by its owner. I mean, when somebody throws an opinion, that opinion should be perfectly provided with logic supporting facts or enough reasonable grounds. In other word, the person suggests one idea should be able to explain that idea, the reasons why he or she chooses that idea, or what makes he or she thinks the idea is valid and acceptable. Thereby, whatever costs or impacts that are caused by the first concept of public domain, that is the equal possession of freedom to speak, would not lead into some chaotic misunderstandings, let alone some unnecessary hostility among each others, for all of the opinions could be responsibly explained and supported with reasonable facts and logical reasons. As a matter of fact, with those freedoms to speak followed by the fully provided reasonable facts and logical reasons, I believe that the only thing it would lead is the opportunity to interchange opinions and see from each other point of views. By that, we could learn to dive into somebody else’s mind that is totally different from ours, understand the reasons behind his or her actions and observe his or her stands toward something. By that we could see and accept differences with a fully objective point of view and does not give some ludicrous prejudices even when that point of view is totally different from ours. By that we could learn to agree to disagree.


--sisie--

A Poem.

Chocolate, cayenne and tangerine
Love
That is.


--sisie--

yes.. the power of love..

Pacarku nggak percaya sama kekuatan cinta… hiks…
Dia nggak mau menjemputku ke Muara Angke, ke Jelambar, atau ke ujung Marunda di Tanjung Priok…
Trus saran terbaik yang bisa dia berikan untuk menolongku kalau terdampar di sebuah sudut mengerikan di Jakarta yang kejam pada dini hari jam dua pagi adalah memandang langit yang gelap, kelabu dan sungguh suram untuk mencoba mencari sendiri arah pulang dengan bantuan bintang-bintang…
Trus… dia tertawa terbahak-bahak tanpa berhenti selama hampir satu menit waktu aku bilang kekuatan cinta bisa menolong dia menerpa badai Tsunami untuk mencari aku yang tersesat di belantara air bah itu…
Hiks… babi pacar yang jahat…

Emangnya dia nggak percaya apa kalau kekuatan cinta bener2 ada?
Dari dulu juga udah ada, sejak dari awal peradaban manusia yang paling primitif sekalipun…
Simak aja lagunya Backstreet Boys… - Anywhere for You -
‘I’d walk halfway around the world, for just one kiss from youuuuu…’
Far beyond the call of looveeee, the sun.. the stars... the mooooon…
As long as your love there to lead mee..
I wont lose my waaayy beliiievee meee…
Even through the darkest night, you knoww..
I’ll go anywhere for youuu..
Anywhere you want me tooo…
I’ll do anything for youu… Anything you want me dooo…
Love as far as I can see, is all I’m ever gonna neeeeddd…
There’s one thing for sure I know it’s truuueee…
Baby I’ll gooo anywheeree for youuuu…’
Sungguh contoh sebuah masterpiece yang sempurna untuk melukiskan bagaimana seseorang begitu mencintai kekasihnya sampai-sampai rela mencari pacarnya nun jauh keujung dunia hanya untuk mendapatkan sebuah ciuman tulus berbekal kekuatan cinta…ahh…cintaa…
…………….
Huaaa… huaaa… babi pacar yang jahat, kejam dan suka menelantarkan pacaaarrrrrr….
Bukannya gw ga bisa nolong diri sendiri sih.. ihiks.. bukannya gw ga cukup pinter untuk nyoba nyari jalan pulang, atau nemu satu alasan yang cukup wajar dan logis untuk nggak memutuskan berperahu di belantara pasang Tsunami… tapi ini kan kita berbicara mengenai kekuatan cintaaa… sekali lagii… kekuatan cintaaa…. Hiikksssss…..
Uhuk..uhuk… ehmm.. -sigh- inhaaleeee… exhaaaalee…(*menarik napas panjang sesaat, mencoba menenangkan diri, lalu memasang tampang yang sedikit lebih… emm… ilmiah…*)

Maap… maap… tadi itu sedikit kebawa perasaan…
Anyway, topik kita kali ini adalah… taaddaaaaa… seperti yang sudah -ehm- cukup jelas... adalaahh…kekuatan cinta, the power of love… atau apapun itulaahh..
I do believe in the power of love. No seriously, I said I do believe in the power love, yang to some extend… bisa melewati batas-batas berpikir rasional seseorang… soalnya justru disitulah seninya…
Hmm… agak susah buat dijelaskan… tapi contoh gampangnya begini… gw emang nggak punya mobil, jadi tentunya gw nggak bisa jemput dia kalau sewaktu-waktu dia diculik dan disembunyikan di salah satu gua Jepang di Pangandaran…
Tapi gw mau bersusah payah datang mengantarkan payung di tengah hujan deras, berjalan kaki dengan penuh penderitaan melintasi berpuluh-puluh genangan air dari tempat kost gw ke kampusnya, kalau gw tau pada saat itu dia nggak bawa mobil dan nggak bawa payung… gw tau sih dengan penuh kesadaran dan otak yang berjalan dengan cukup normal bahwa gw nggak perlu melakukan hal itu..dan tentunya dia juga tahu… - ada cara yang lebih praktis yang bisa ditempuh… dengan nebeng payung atau mobil salah satu temannya… misalnya… - tapi gw dengan senang hati melakukan semua itu untuk sekedar muncul di depannya sambil tersenyum lebar dan memberikan dia pinjaman payung… and perhaps… just maybe… making him feel really… loved…
Atau.. mungkin... gw mau aja menemani dia mencari alamat rumah siaapaa gitu yang nggak jelas dimana… jalan kaki… berputar-putar seantero…emmm… Kota misalnya… dibawah terik panas yang menggila… -meskipun lagi-lagi gw tau bahwa gw sama sekali nggak punya kewajiban untuk melakukan hal itu, dan gw dengan gampangnya bisa melongok ke langit, memutuskan bahwa hari itu terlalu panas untuk jalan-jalan… dan dengan rasional menyarankan dia untuk mencari teman yang bisa ditebengi mobil atau menunda saja acara cari-mencarinya sampai cuacanya bersahabat, atau malah sama sekali melupakan alamat yang nggak jelas itu… - karena… gw sayang banget sama dia dan menggenggam tangannya pada saat itu bakalan sangat berarti buat gw dan perhaps… ini mungkin sih, mungkin juga nggak… perasaan dia akan menjadi lebih senang dan nyaman knowing bahwa ada orang yang pada saat itu menggenggam tangannya… making him feel really… loved…

Rasionalitas, dengan segala pertimbangannya yang logis dan sungguh amat sangat dapat dipertanggung jawabkan dengan akal sehat tentu saja bisa membuat gw memikirkan hal yang lebih masuk akal untuk dilakukan ketimbang bersusah payah melakukan hal-hal bodoh yang nggak jelas manfaatnya… Dan ketika gw dihadapkan pada situasi seperti itu, gw bisa memastikan bahwa otak gw tetap berjalan seperti semestinya dan secara otomatis membawa gw pada beberapa jalan keluar masalah yang lebih logis dan praktis… tapi, lagi-lagi secara sadar… pikiran-pikiran yang sungguh rasional itu menjadi terkesampingkan… karena ada perasaan dan keinginan… untuk membuat orang yg gw sayang menjadi… umm… katakanlah… lebih senang…
Gw tau dia akan menjadi lebih senang kalau gw melakukan hal-hal itu… dan gw sama sekali nggak keberatan melakukannya karena gw akan menjadi lebih senang juga kalau gw melihat dia senang dan… umm… I could achieve that really really tiny simple feeling of knowing that he might possibly feel really loved… by me…
Jadi gw akan bilang sekali lagi bahwa… yes, I do believe… in the power of love… dan saya dengan bangga mengatakan itu… hehehehe…

*masih dalam mode penyair menggila…*
this is me, signing out… udah pagi nih… harus tidur ah…
-sisie-

long gone before daylight...

I'll love nina persson till i die...

an angel bored like hell...

You're The Storm


Oh, it's healing bang, bang, bang,
I can hear your cannons call.
You've been aiming at my land,
Your hungry hammers falling...
And if you want me, I'm your country.

I'm an angel bored like hell
And you're a devil meaning well,
You steal my lines and you strike me down
Come raise your flag upon me.
And if you want me, I'm your country,
If you win me, I'm forever,

Oh yeah!

'Cause you're the storm that I believed in,
And all this peace I spent deceiving,
I liked the sweet line and the silence,
But it's the storm that I believe in!
Come and conquer and drop your bones,
Cross my borders and kill the calm,
Bear your thanks the and burn my wings,
I hear bullets singing…
And if you want me, I'm your country,
If you win me, I'm forever...

Oh yeah,

'Cause you're the storm that I believed in,
And all this peace has been deceiving,
I need some wind to get me sailing
So it's the storm that I believe in!

You feed my heart, you keep me breathing,
'Cause you're the storm that I believe in...

And if you want me, I'm your country...


---the Cardigans--

ayo menari di bawah bulan purnama!!!

Hmm… tadi gw abis beli CD bajakan di stasiun :) lucu deh… Disney Bossanova gitu hehehe… trus result nya gw jadi menari-nari Bossanova riang sendirian di kamar kuu…
…..
ta ta ta ta…
wahh… seruuu sekalii… coba ada pasangan nari nyaa…
serasa menari dibawah sinar bulan purnamaaa..
:)
:)
kekasihku, kamu dimana… ayo kita menari sampai pagi :)

eternal sunshine for the spotless mind and a little girl in the ladies' room...

I finally watched the Eternal Sunshine for The Spotless Mind last Saturday. It had long been my 'must-see-movie-no matter-how-poor-you-are-at-that-moment' since the first time I heard its review. So I did watch it, with my last 50 thousand rupiahs in my wallet for the rest of the week.

And yes I did enjoy the movie, it was a veerryyy good movie. I really love the cinematography, very symbolic, lots of beautiful metaphors that personify the characters’ feeling and emotion towards evidences happened in their life. I always take a shine to those kinds of movie – those which speak with symbols and implicitly convey their messages – for usually the messages conveyed remain deeper and mostly more meaningful than those movies which tend to forget the beauty of metaphor and impassively explicit in depictions.

However, this writing is not about the sort of sweet tingling sensation of that movie, or how do I recommend that movie to you, or how the movie had enlighten me, or whatever. This is about the occurrence happened in the ladies’ room that night after I watched the movie and was about to go home.

My dear friends, we all know how painstaking and irritating the queue in the cinema’s toilet. I mean, sometimes I wonder how could these people have the same impulse to go to the toilet at the same time. They come flocking to the toilet before the film begins, and they rush in throngs after. Maybe there are some sort of relations between every cinema in this universe and human’s bladder… or I guess there’s some kind of urinary euphoria triggered by watching movies, or maybe… – Sisie, cut it out… this is getting absurd… - Anyway, that was also happening that night, there were only four rooms in the ladies’ room and one of them was out of order. Meanwhile, there was like 10 people at that time that needed to get the businesses done. So there were lines of about three ladies in each room, including me too, standing in the last row in front of the door of one of those rooms.

Nothing’s really caught – or worth - my attention except that beside all those ‘goodlooking or tried to lookinggood’ ladies, there were also standing, in the same queue, a little girl, aged about eight or nine, carrying her little sister in one hand and holding another little sister of her in the other hand. She dressed in a most plain house dress and obviously she’s not one of the celebrated patrons of the cinema, probably just a daughter of one of the food vendors on the pavement outside. She waited in the other line, standing in the second row, with a tremendously big haired woman in front of her and a teenage girl aged about fifteen or sixteen, wearing a very snazzy soft pink t-shirt and a pair of big eighties earrings, behind her.

And just like every queue in this world, it took forever. It took maddeningly forever. I did not know what the hell those ladies doing inside those toilet rooms, but it took so long that I can secretly laugh at those funny furrowed annoyed faces of the rest of the ladies waiting outside the rooms – until I realize that it was a bit stupid and absurd to laugh at them for I know that I was also sharing the same dull fate –

So yes, she was standing there too, with the same restiveness as all the rest of us there. And finally the door in front of her was opened, a girl with big glasses and a long beautiful hair came out of the room and the woman with a tremendously big hair went inside. I was still standing on my row, remained still because the brainless lady inside the room where I waited still had not decided to come out and greet the world.

Anyway, so it took about more than ten minutes until I finally stood exactly in front of the room’s door. And the little girl was too, standing there at the final line waiting for the woman with the tremendously big hair to get out of that toilet. There she was waiting, while a bit assuaging her little sisters that getting more and more restive. After a couple of more minutes waiting, suddenly the door was opened, and the woman came out. I could even see the relieve sight of that little girl knowing that her waiting is finally over. She then went to step in to the room, until there’s a voice stopping her. It was the janitor, a woman with a plump figure aged about twenty-five or more. Still carrying her mop in one hand, she pulled the little girl’s shoulder while giving a way for the teenage girl with the snazzy soft pink t shirt and a pair of big eighties earrings that was standing behind the little girl to go inside the room.

What the heck? It was the little girl’s turn! But nobody could seem care less about it. Even the teenage girl only gave a disdain glance, as if it’s natural for her right to be prioritized over the little girl’s right that happened to be in a so-called-lower social class than her, and went straightly to the room.

And yes, the little girl could only gaze at the janitor with a quick silent protest, and then shrank into some sort of submission look; maybe she too thought that it was natural for her right to be set aside everybody’s right that happened to be living in a higher social class than she was. Meanwhile, the janitor was grumbling to her about how she and her sisters would only end up playing with the toilet paper and giving her even more works to do.

And the little girl kept silent.

And for some stupid considerations that I regret later on, I decided not to say anything too. So stupid of me. I chose not to say anything because I don’t like confrontation. I always think that if there’s still other way to solve the problem, to confront should be the last resort, if not to be avoided at all, since in most cases it only creates more problems instead of solving it. So I decided to find other ways to solve the problem. At that time, I knew that the problem lied on the fact that the little girl did not gain her right to use the toilet, even though she waited in line just like the rest of the people there. So in order to make the problem solved, I think what I needed to do was to give the little girl her right – which was quite logical of course, since the problem was an expropriation of right so the solution must be the restitution of the right – I decided to let the little girl take my turn to use the toilet, in order to restitute her right. By that I thought that the problem’s solved.

Which was wrong, of course.

I realized that the action I did that time only solved the problem in its surface. Yes, true that the little girl finally gain her expropriated right to use the toilet, but the core of the problem still lied there, remained unsolved.

If we take a look closer to the problem, we’ll see that the real problem is not about the expropriation-restitution of right; instead it’s about the classic problem of how society treat people based on their so-called social class. In the case of the little girl in the ladies’ room, we can see the example how actually people think that that discrimination as something which is natural, that is, there’s nothing wrong with it. Even the janitor herself, as the representation of the lower social class, thought that it was the right thing to restrain their own right under the superiority of the higher social class, even more, become the actor who provided the discrimination itself. And of course, those who regard themselves as ‘the higher social class’ do not bother to give a little time to their useless brain to think about how by taking the superficial advantage out of other people’s right is really make them less than human.

So I really do think that this kind of problem could not be solved by merely seek for the solution in its surface level. The society, need to be awaken up so they are aware with this obsolete case that should not even relevant anymore in the world nowadays. The little girl, and the janitor, need to realize that they do have the same equal right as those other people in the ladies’ room and even the teenage girl with the snazzy soft pink t-shirt and a big eighties earrings need to be aware that there’s no such reason that would justify the toleration of any single form of discrimination.

That’s why I kind of regret the thing I did that night, I should’ve said something to the janitor that would give her a shock therapy to make her think that it was not at all natural to yield to the people with the so-called higher social class. Or to that teenage girl with her snazzy soft pink t-shirt and the big eighties earrings, that she should start to think about other thing than what color of earrings she should wear to match her outfit – because apparently the color of earrings she wore at that night did not match at all, it did look that she tried to match it up though, with those pink polkadot pattern on his earrings, but she ended up looking a bit cheezy – there’s so much problem in this world to think about…

So yes, my friends… as a conclusion of this writing, I think we really need to do something about it. Discrimination, in any kind of form, should be banished from this world, for all human are equal and deserve the same opportunity in every chance. The closest and the simplest thing to do to solve this problem is probably by starting to make people realize about this kind of problem. By realizing, hopefully they will start to think, and maybe, just maybe, in the simplest case, that teenage girl would probably give a big smile while shaking her head to the janitor and say that it was the little girl’s turn.

---

Thank you, my sunshine, for the discussion and for keeping me thinking.

---Sisie---

i know... i know...

i know, i know, sunshine...
you told me that it's over :)
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you

and i'm smiling now because i'm thinking of you right now...
hmmm...
kamu lagi ngapain ya?

--the simpsons nya bagus ga? sayang gw ga ada cable di kost...


(posting ini sungguh nggak penting... ga pa pa ah... i love you my sunshine)

---sisie---

sublime...

my sunshine, you made me realize how much i love you..
for the very first time in my life,
i could recognize and draw an almost complete map of my own feeling
and for the very first time in my life..
i based all my willingness upon my own willingness..

how could i explain this to you, sunshine?
i love u
because i do
because i choose you
because i want to

that's why i know that i could believe in myself when i say that i will never let myself experience the sublime through this way again...

love you...

the bunny is hopping in a gloomy moor...

hop
hop
hop
hop
.......

what a dark... dark... dark... moor


gw sedih..

--sisie--

under construction...

maap yah, situs nya masih saya perbaiki... jadi nuhun kalo rada berantakan...
ini gara-gara RULI!!!!! demam html nya menular.... gara2 itu sudah kuhabiskan beriburiburupiah diwarnet... GAK SELESAI2 PULA!!!! AAAARRRGGGHH...
Ruli sayah menuntut refund! atau setidaknya reward...hwahahahaha....

btw, buat yang lain yang mau ngebantu, i'll be VERY VERY grateful... :) terutama buat desain tagboard nih... gemana sih, dari kemartin dikutak-kutik ga jadi2...
trus2... gw juga mau bikin link... jadi nuhun alamat blog yang lain :) Laila, Sindro, Ayu, Andrei...atau siapa aja deh yang ada...

thx bgt semuanya...
mudah2an cepet selesai nih, kalo nggak bisa GILA gw, abis duit bulanan...huhuhuhuhuhuhuuu....

somewheeerreee over the rainboowww....
nyanyi ah...
----sisie-----

---she's mumbling in a muddled mood---

the vexing thing about love is

the unavoidable clinging emotion

-sigh-

yes.

I

am

jealous.

because

of

a very sentimental

stupid

reason

that I don't even want to explain to you.

---sisie---
Wed, 010505
22.36

grumpy grumpy grumpy...

i hate it when people call me dumb blonde i hate it when people act as if they know me better than myself i hate it when people talk behind my back i hate it when people judge me from my appearance i hate people.....

i hate it when thinker-bell raised the tone of his voice on me... i know i was too 'menye-menye' but he really did not have to raise the tone of his voice on me... it reminded me of HIM and i hate all the thoughts about HIM in my head...

and i DO NOT hate animals... i think they could be really cute sometimes... is just that i have never ever find an animal that loves me or could be loved by me... most of the time they're just simply annoying and make a lot of mess... but i learn to leave them alone, i wont bother them (apalagi sampai merencanakan serangkaian aksi penyiksaan terencana) because i DO NOT hate animals...

and i dont want too go back to my kostan right now because my room is too messy and i hate being in a messy room because i couldnt even think of any single line for my new writing project and that sucks. but i dont want to tidy up my room because it's not my turn now, it's antie's, but she's too busy with her exam and again that sucks.

and GOD DAMN erlan keeps calling me and misscalled me and sent me sms... and i really really do not want to talk with him because he only asks me the same questions and talks about the same topics over and over and over and over again and that pisses me off.

and i hate it because my mother hasn't sent me my money for this week

and i hate it because there is no stars in the sky tonight, and i HAVE NOT SEEN STARS FOR YEARS.

novocaine for the soul...

Life is hard and so am i
You better give me something
So i dont die
Novocaine for the soul
Before i sputter out

Life is white and i am black
Jesus and his lawyer
Are coming back
Oh my darling will you be here
Before i sputter out

Guess who's living here
With the great undead
This paint by number's life is fucking with my head
Once again

Life is good and i feel great
'cause mother says i was
A great mistake

Novovaine for the soul
You better give me something
To fill the hole
Before i sputter out


i need a novocaine for my soul for my soul for my soul for my soul for my soul

new year new year... tulisan aneh yang sedikit depresif...

happy new year...

ada banyak yang ingin ditulis, ada banyak yang ingin ditulis, ada yang banyak yang ingin ditulis, ada banyak yang ingin ditulis, ada banyak yang ingin ditulis, ada banyak yang ingin ditulis, ada banyak yang ingin ditulis, ada banyak yang ingin ditulis, ada banyak yang ingin ditulis, ada.........


kontemplasi satu...(bersama thinker-bell...)

dalam setengah jam, lebih dari empat puluh ribu nyawa diambil tuhan...
tuhan, supposed you're exist, umm... what was that all about, dear lord? sebuah usaha singkat dan instan untuk mengebiri jumlah manusia di dunia yang sudah semakin bersesak?
semua gambar di televisi adalah gambar wajah menangis... apakah kamu hendak menjadikan layar kaca itu sebagai sebuah cermin dimana aku harus berefleksi? kaca dimana seharusnya aku melihat diri, apakah seharusnya refleksi yang kupunya untuk hari-hari adalah refleksi menangis?....
lalu thinker-bell berkata dengan intonasi yang tidak biasa tapi sungguh biasa untuk dirinya, what a shame bahwa dibutuhkan kejadian pengebirian populasi secara instan seperti itu untuk mengingatkan manusia bahwa mereka adalah manusia...
lalu aku terdiam dan mencerna kata-katanya sejenak.
thinker-bell mungkin benar, bahwa aku, manusia... terlalu sombong, dan kepalaku, terlalu pongah... terlalu aku-sentris... lalu ketika datang bencana tiba-tiba, aku mendadak ingat lagi... bahwa benar... aku bukan hanya sekedar 'aku', sebuah entitas diri sendiri dengan segala keunikan yang aku punya, aku adalah 'manusia' yang ada ditengah-tengah banyak 'aku'-'aku' lain yang juga 'manusia'... part of the community, part of the society, so human...
lalu ketika aku menangis, itu bukan karena aku unik tapi itu karena aku adalah manusia, dan ketika lebih dari empat puluh ribu nyawa diambil tuhan dalam hitungan menit, aku ingat semua...

tapi thinker-bell benar, mengapa aku... dan kita semua... butuh melihat empatpuluhribu nyawa diambil tuhan sebelum kembali menjadi manusia?
mengapa semua orang masih saja mendorong-dorong dengan egois ketika keluar dari pintu bis, meskipun ada orang-orang tua yang hendak turun? mengapa semua orang masih melemparkan bungkus permen ke jalan dari dalam mobil? mengapa agama, menjadi alasan untuk membenci dan untuk curiga? mengapa terlalu sombong untuk tersenyum kepada orang-orang? mengapa semua sebelum empatpuluhribu nyawa diambil tuhan dalam hitungan menit?....

i love you thinker-bell, my inspiration, my sunshine...


kontemplasi dua... (with one of my bestfriend, andre...)

bro, i love you... semua yang kamu bilang tentang aku itu benar. my messed up life, distorted priority, the-taking-for-granted attitude... you were right, and i'm so sorry for that...
you had full right to be angry, and i was glad... because HELL YES somebody needed to slap my butt (butt??? ummm...sisieee, ini bukan waktunya untuk kinky kinky)... somebody needed to give me a pat on the head to wake me up and remind me to start to fix my messy life...

and yup, i guess a new year would be a great start for everything.
thanx a lot brother, i hope we could still be friend... :)


kontemplasi tiga... (with my own darkest mood...)

the closed chapter, the screaming of frustation... all the promises and all the deep breath taken...
selamat tahun baru semua, banyak sekali resolusi, banyak sekali yang terjadi...

lalu aku disini, menarik (lagi-lagi) napas panjang... dan inilah resolusi dari kontemplasi tiga:
1. menggila, ayo lekas perbaiki kuliahmu yang berantakaaannn sisieeeee....
2. mari mencari uang lebih banyak lagi (hihihi...)
3. mari lebih fokus pada seluruh target hidup dan stop being a procrastinator....
4. mari lebih berani tersenyum dan menertawakan hidup
5. mari mengerti esensi dari tuhan ku sendiri...
6. mari bercinta :)

selamat tahun baru semuanya

----sisie----
Sun, 02Jan05
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