She asked Joel not to assign her his own peace of mind. Don’t assign anything regarding his own state of mind upon her.
The thing is, when two people agreed to be attached themselves in the state of being connected, that is, in the name of a relationship, which in this case is… a romantic-kind of relationship, they will always, always, assign their own peace of mind upon one another. That’s why they are agreed to be connected one another, that’s how they are deliberately decided to be joined. Because, deep down inside, they know, that particular person with whom they plan to be in relationship is assign-able for their own needs, whatever that might be.
A boy with an inferiority complex would prefer to let himself be in a relationship with a girl that would make him feel less inferior, which means that he assigns his need to be not in the state of inferiority, there’s this state of secureness in his mind that he wants to achieve, and he needs that girl to assure that he would reach that state of secureness. His own peace of mind where he no longer needs to be worried, his own peace of mind where that girl, helps him to complete the task. And the other way around, of course. That particular girl might needs him to assure herself that her presence in this world is needed badly by someone, that there’s someone out there who feels comfortable being in her hand, that her touches and love do matter for someone. A search for acknowledgement, I guess, to reassure yourself that you are significant, in a way. So the girl assigns her needs upon him, there’s also this state of mind that she needs to achieve, a reassurement that she has to be sure of, and therefore the boy also carries the task for her. He helps her to complete the task of her own piece of mind.
A need to be heard, a need to be accepted, a need to feel loved, a need to be free, a need to find an equal partner, a need of security, the list of needs could go forever, the peace of mind of one man is of course different from another. But there’s one thing in common, though. In order to have the relationship, those kind of assignment of needs have to be reciprocal, that is, a guy whose need is to have a complete freedom for instance, should meet someone whose need is compatible with his. If its not compatible, then there wont be any reciprocity in the assignment, then what would happen is there’ll be one side that would feel burdened and all. Just like a system of barter, in a way.
Maybe that’s why sometimes it feel so hard for one to get in a ‘real’ relationship, the romantic kind, because probably he (or she) has not find someone whose need, whose peace of mind, could be assigned upon him or her. In other word, he (or she) has not find, someone who is compatible with him.
A friend of mine once said that my relationship with my boyfriend is sort of erratic in a way, that is, we’re more like two people who are involved in some trade business or something. But the thing is, no matter how dull and colorless those analogy are used to explain love in a relationship, like it or not, it’s true.
It might sound anything but a fairy tale-ish love where the prince holds the hand of the princess and said that he loves her with those glaring beautiful eyes and then takes the princess to his castle deep down in the forest, and they live happily ever after with their genuine, unspoiled love. But think about it, even the prince must have his own reason why he had chosen to choose the girl to be his princess. Even the prince has his own peace of mind. As well as the princess of course.
Yeah… of course… what the hell am I blabbering here, anyway… never mind, it must be because of that book ‘The Catcher in the Rye’ of J. D. Salinger, you have to read that book, really, at least once, the more the better. It gave you insights and stuff in some oddly peculiar way, at least that’s what the guy who killed John Lennon felt before he decided to kill him, I guess, he read that book first.
-sie-
No comments:
Post a Comment