Murmur and purr

Dear baby, I realize that we’ve been kinda busy with our lives lately, you with your new projects and all the ‘magic’ evolve around you while me with my lunatic and deceiving schedules as well as my day-to-day sickness, that we have so little time to share our thoughts and stories and emotion. It’s alright, though, I understand. But I kinda miss the time when we talk and talk and talk for hours about every little thing in life that fascinates us, well… we used to do that a lot back then. I’m not saying that a goodnight call in the middle of the night before we go to sleep is pointless, really, it’s really sweet and pleasant for me to hear your voice before I close my eyes and sleep, and I really thank you for willing to spend your time to call me at night, knowing exactly that you’re often too exhausted by everything you did on that day. I love you baby, I love you so much. But you know me, I don’t know if it’s really something wrong with my head or it’s just me being too much of a drama queen, I always feel that there are soooo many things that I want to share with you. I mean, I think about a lot of things everyday, funny things, stupid things, weird things, confusing things, some of them are quite worthwhile, and the rest are really unimportant, but since I love you so much, I really want to share those things with you, it makes me happy, in a way, it makes me spark and merry in a good mood (which… usually resulted in my extreme cheesiness kind of mood). Well, of course I tried to share the thoughts about those things to everyone else around me, I wrote some writings to pour out my thoughts and all stuff like that, and logically speaking, if I had already pour out everything I think of in my head, I would not feel that I want to share those things with you, because there wont be anything left in my head that needs to be poured out. But it’s so weird for me because I can still feel that I want to share those things with you, even if I had already poured out everything. So then I started wondering why on earth I still feel that way, where I put myself in a position where I kind of have to bother you with those stuffs while maybe sometimes you’re just too busy for it, or you’re just so not in the mood, or it’s just not your priority. It’s sort of depressing for me, you know, because you know how I really don’t want to trouble or bother people. And baby, after some times spent staring at the ceiling while lying on my bed trying so hard to get to sleep, I realized that, warning; this might sound a bit cheesy, it’s because the feeling I felt from sharing my thoughts with you is different from the feeling I felt from pouring out everything I think of to anybody else or by doing anything else. When I share what I think of to other people, or by writing something, or anything, I feel relief or cheery or affectional, there’s totally nothing wrong with that, I guess, but when I share my thoughts with you, I feel really comfortable (umm… well sometimes, when you’re not too busy being angered and annoyed by my-often-too-weak-and-ineffecient-approach to other people) and most of all, I feel content and… happy (I cant find any better word to describe how I feel, I’m sorry) and I like feeling that way, really, it’s just like a nice tiny warm feeling, like when you’re so tired of walking in a stifling bloody hot noon then all of a sudden there’s someone who rides a nice air-conditioned car offers you a ride and while you’re inside the car, while listening to the smooth-soothing music and enjoying the air-con, he offers you a chocolate ice cream… yum yum. So I like feeling that way, baby, maybe that’s why I like sharing my thoughts with you. And I guess the reason why I feel that way about you, maybe because, umm… I think you’re the emotionally closest person for me now, that’s why I feel happy when I share my thoughts with you.
I feel even more relief now that I know there’s nothing wrong with me feeling that way (at first I always tried to deny those feelings, because I really don’t want to bother you with those stuffs, I mean… I always feel that if you’re busy then you’re busy… it’s a stupid and illogical thing to still feeling that way and I really should find other resort to solve my problem, or just simply tell them to go away) but now that I’ve thought about it, I know that it’s not that illogical to feel this way and I don’t have to feel that I’m bothering you.
So baby, while you’re busy and we don’t have time to talk, my thoughts were piling up because I haven’t got the time to share them with you. And because I think it’s alright for me to still thinking that I want to share them with you, and I don’t need to tell them to go away and not bother you with them while you’re busy, I decided to write them here in this entry, I guess it’ll solve the problem in a way, I would feel happy and you would not lose your sleep or your ‘magic’ :)
So these are my random thoughts:

• - I think girls have bigger chance to be lesbian than boys to be gay, do you think so?
• - I think Hume is an interesting person, for he said that man does not have to be enslaved by his logic.
• -It’s so amazing how here buying condoms at store is found as a real shame, I mean, you should look at all those eyes looking at you as one guilty mice. I am so tickled to think that how could people feel awkward doing something that is not well-adjust with their socially acceptable norms. Socially acceptable norms, hmm… funny… speaking of socially acceptable norms, if people just don’t seem to care or even agree with the despicable act those FPI people do to declare war, hatred and idiocy, maybe it is true, baby, that those acts are socially acceptable here.
• - One of my lecturers had given me an interesting view of why those monotheist religions could be called as cultural products. It’s so fun when I hear that because I thought when I asked that to her she would come up with a boring and too textual or too conventional answer because she’s an MKDU lecturer, on the other hand, she came up with a quite interesting view, and my logic could accept that.
• - Antie and Hany said that my new haircut looks just fine and it makes my cheeks look less chubby, but the truth is I don’t really like it. The hairdresser misunderstood my instruction and this is not the haircut that I wanted at first. I really DO have problem in explaining things to people.
• - Is it really true that Hinduism is one of the monotheist religions as people say? I don’t believe that but I think I have to back up my arguments with clear facts and data.
• - I still don’t know what I should write for my final writing projects, I was thinking of going to british council, freedom institute or other libraries to try to find some insights.
• - I still don’t have enough money to pay for Lurince’s vaccination, I do have some money, but I’m allocating them because there are so many text books that I have to buy this semester. So, if you don’t mind, if you have some spare money, could I use your money first? I promise I’ll pay for it as soon as I could save some money. Besides, Antie is going to pay for it too, so if it costs us around 175. 000, each of us would only have to pay for about 58. 000.
• - There’s something that really bother my mind lately. I’m so afraid to say that I miss you now, well… maybe afraid is not the word, it’s more like… hesitant, I guess. Not because I think that you might be bothered hearing me saying those words all the time, I know I could do and say what the hell I want. It’s just that every time I feel that way, and I want to say that I miss you, I always feel that somehow there might be a chance that you would be annoyed, I know you would not mind, but I remember our last conversation regarding this, and I just don’t want to make you feel unhappy. But I know I should not feel this way, so I’m still thinking how to solve this problem now.
• - I don’t understand how people could be so compassionless and hard-hearted, sometimes I wish I could do that, but I don’t know how.
• - Ovi has a blog now, it’s pretty interesting, you might want to check it out.
  

Now I know why some people think that I’m tiring… ha ha ha… anyway, I don’t want you to think that I somehow oblige you to listen to all my murmurs, no, not at all. I don’t mind you busy with your own life, I mean, I too have my own life and my own priorities, but this is how I am and don’t want to stop myself from being what I am no matter how menye it is. I know you and your ability to detach a bit from your emotion when doing something, while me who always so sensitive and melodramatic about everything and tend to mix emotion with everything that I do. But I completely know that we think differently, therefore I never ever expect you to think the way I think as well as I know that I don’t have to think like you think. You could still be as ruthless (ha-ha) as you want while I will still be as melodramatic as I always am. I love you so much, pig-pig.


PS: huhuhuhuhuuu…. This is by far the menyeist entry I have of all… hahahhaha…

-sie-