The Pills

yes you're there, i guess... i saw you're there and unless you're just an entity happened to be existed only in someone else's head, in this case, me, or maybe it's too much if i say it's me, i mean... we dont even know each other anymore, right? erased, that's what i used to say, right, erased, but i'm not complaining about that, really i am not, so unless you're just some kind of the super mega persistent intruder of my hollow space between the conscious and the unconscious, i'm pretty sure that you're there, i saw you, yes i did see you.
it's so amazing how i can feel that you hate me, you really really really do hate me, or not, maybe hatred should not even be the exact word to describe what you feel about me, what? feel, what kind of word is that? you dont even think that i exist anymore, how can you feel the presence that had never existed at all.
i had never existed. right. you erased all my trace. you are there but we are stranger. we are. you dont even know my friends anymore, you know they used to know you. but it's so amazing how you could do that. i mean, i would definitely need some mighty pills or something that would help me erase all your trace. well maybe you have taken those pills, some kind who have some amnesiac effects. amazing pills. they should distribute those pills more widely. i mean, a great invention should not stay uncovered, yes, that's what i always said, remember? oh of course not. those pills. right, right...
so you're there. i wanted to touch you to see if you're really exist there, or is it just me creating some kind of visual image about you standing there. but i couldnt touch you. i was afraid that if i touch you my hand will suddenly burnt to ashes, and my body too. and then i would die. i am afraid to die. it's so obscure. i always afraid of obscurity. so i did not do anything. i just stare.
i could not lie to myself. and everybody hates you. but i just could not do that. everybody hates you for what you did to me. but i know, that in some cases, it was you who could touch my deepest fear.
fear.
i am afraid of you. even know. in a different kind of way. i always managed to find new ways of being afraid of you. could you please go and stop haunting me?
STOP.
and please dont stare back.

-sie-